Uninvited: Chapter 5: Hello, My Name Is Trust Issues

Yo, What Up, Peculiars?

So I’m sure you guys are trippin off of the name of the chapter like I am. It’s definitely an attention grabber. Also let’s just address the elephant in the room…. pink-elephant-tight-spaceYes, it’s been a minute since I’ve done a review but it was getting a bit depressing and I had to step away for a minute. I’m returning to it because I loved that it was causing me to uncover things that I didn’t know were hiding. It’s messy work but I’m grateful that I am brave enough to look at me without having to have someone point these things out.

Often times I’ll get asked why I’m still single and I could go on a tangent of all of the reasons but I won’t, so in an effort to stay on topic, one of those reasons would be because I’m doing a lot of work on myself. This is not to say that I will ever be done. We should always be growing but I feel like this book has unearthed a lot and I can’t go into something half way through the process. I must see it through; so there won’t be so many open, unresolved issues. So here I am, looking forward to and prepared for whatever this chapter might uncover.

Right out the gate, Lysa makes a statement that resonates with me and it causes me to pause, put the book down and really ponder and that statement was…

I crave for life to make sense. I cringe when it doesn’t.- TerKeurst, page 53

I’m sure most of us would judge her as being a control freak but aren’t we all a tad bit controlling? We all want things to work in our favor, we all want to feel that we’ve contributed in some way, we all want recognition we feel we deserve,  we all want to know our purpose, etc. Outcomes can either motivate or discourage us. When what happens is contrary to what we believe we deserve, we are then disappointed and when going through other changes we remember those disappointments and cringe.cringing-lucy To that point, even in the midst of going through, we can see signs leading to disappointments and cringe because we anticipate the unfavorable outcome. I’ve been there…even though I know everything works out for my good and especially because I know that He has a purpose for my life, it doesn’t negate the fact that I’ve doubted. Hello, Chapter 5, I’m Trust Issues…good to meet you.

Oh, but when things go as planned, it makes sense to her us. I guess in a perfect world, everything would always go “right” but the Bible says…

There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death.- Proverbs 14:12 NLT

So even our well planned path that seems right to us, although we might not be cringing, could potentially be leading us to death…that’s pretty deep.

She then goes on to talk about how she’ll make suggestions and predictions for her life and will want God to come on board with her decisions by blessing them…life adding up. We’ve all done that; but unlike her I understand that life isn’t always going to add up. I personally am in awe of God because how life doesn’t.

He comes in and you think it’s gonna get better but it gets worse and you try all of these different ways to make it work, it doesn’t and then you let go and somehow…everything falls into place. The crazy thing is a lot of times you don’t even know when it did but you know that God did it. I love when I can look at pieces of my life and see His hand on it like that…times, when I never thought it would work out, I didn’t think I could get over it or out of it, times when I didn’t think I would smile, laugh or love again and then it happens and it’s more amazing than what you lost…OMG (shaking my head) That’s the kinda God I serve!!!

Don’t get me wrong, before that deliverance happens, it’s tough. You feel like everyone, the dog and God has forsaken you. I know that feeling very well. I’ve doubted and questioned everyone and everything…yep, even God…even though I know He pulled through last time…for whatever reason, when you are in the midst of some storms it feels different than the others He just delivered you from. Lysa reminds us that unexpected losses can make things around us seem extremely risky, causing us to be hesitant. Our hesitance builds resistance can easily become rebellion.

Life doesn’t add up. People don’t add up. And in the rawest of moments of honest hurting, God doesn’t add up. All of which makes us hold our trust ever so close to our chests until it becomes more tied to our fears than our faith.- TerKeurst, page 54

Lysa recalls a time when some associates invited her to hang out and because of past experiences that ended sour she decided to decline their offer in her heart by reasoning, “Walk away early so you don’t have to suffer the pain of them falling away later.” This point makes me think of a topic we spoke about recently in the LCA “Telling the truth faster.” I saw this as being resolute, letting your yes’s be yes’s and your no’s be no’s. The longer you allow yourself to wallow in indecisiveness, the more inclined you are to lie to get out of something you didn’t want to do in the first place. Instead of telling the truth of how she felt, she choose faith, although she declined in her heart, her fingers accepted. I’m honestly still trying to figure out if it was a lie or a challenge. Regardless of what it was, she was about to encounter her trust issues face to face.

Whatever her reasoning was, she. accepted. the invite. Step 1 accomplished! ✔ Step 2 came during a rope exercise where she had to jump from a platform to a bar several feet away to finish the course, mid air…with ropes below…in trees… MID AIR. Her guide, Bob saw life, she saw impending death.

What we see will violate what we know unless what we know dictates what we see…Girls who have lingering whispers of rejection still echoing in the hollows of their soul rarely feel completely safe. So they look at gaps of the unknown and hesitate at best. Run away at worst. They crave for life to make sense. They cringe when it doesn’t.- TerKeurst, page 58

Image result for indecisivenessThis is so me, it’s scary.I may not be suspended in air at this time (I am suspended in air right now, mentally) When life changing decisions come up, I always seem to be cemented at the proverbial fork in the road. I struggle with indecision of the worst kind. Previously, I stated that God has a plan for me, at least that’s what Jeremiah 29:11 says. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve doubted His plans for my life, or if He had my back…or even a plan. In theory, I know that God loves me and I love Him but let’s be honest, there’s things that I know in theory but when it happens in real life those things melt away…they don’t even pop in my head until after the event. Most recently I’ve had to face indecision about my career. I didn’t choose to be here. My job is ending and I’m angry that I’m at this crossroad again. No, I wasn’t working in my “career” because I don’t know what I should be working in.  What I can say is that when I know, I know and I’ll diligently work and move toward those goals but when I don’t know, I really don’t know. Because things aren’t laid out for me, I hate the idea of making a wrong move, choosing the wrong person, etc. Most of all what haunts me most is that any day I could die, will I hear “Well done, thy good and faithful servant!”or will I hear that I’ve buried my talents. I guess you can read through the lines about my fears of hearing the later but I just don’t know what those talents are. I don’t know where to start or how to perfect them. I don’t know if I’m good enough to make a living doing it, whatever the it is. I’m scared of failing. I’m scared that the ropes won’t catch me, that I will loose everything that I’ve worked hard for. I’m mostly scared that there was never ropes there in the first place. I’m scared that I’m not good enough to love. I’ve convinced myself that it’s okay to be invisible but what really frightens me is if I wasn’t invisible and still not considered, chosen, loved or cared for…just overlooked.

The peace of our souls does not rise and fall with unpredictable people or situations. Our feelings will shift, of course. People do affect us. But the peace of our souls is tethered to all that God is. And though we can’t predict His specific plans, the fact that God will work everything together for good is a completely predictable promise…No more need for hesitancy. But here’s one thing we must watch out for: If we become enamored with something in this world we think offers better fullness than God, we will make room for it. We leak our HIs fullness to make room for something else we want to chase.- TerKeurst, page 62-63

I’m. tired. of. chasing. Nothing has sustained me like God. I can’t chase my dad, a man, a job, a house, friend, car or anything or anyone else with more vigor than I do God. When I do, those feelings of inadequacy can’t wait to rush back and wash away the realities of God’s love for me. So how do I/You overcome? I remember it’s all a choice. If I choose to do nothing it’s still a choice. So I remember to make my Yes, a Hell Yes and make my No, a Hell No…decision is progress. And when I’m really nervous I remember to fail forward, meaning to make a decision scared with as much information as possible and if it doesn’t turn out favorably then I know what not to do next time, I choose to be grateful and not disappointed and most importantly I smile despite it all.

That day on the ledge, Bob encouraged Lysa. He reminded her that she was absolutely loved and that it was already done. Sometimes when we are reminded of our theories at the right opportunity, change occurs and its realized as reality. Lysa jumped and although she didn’t catch the bar, she caught trust and the ropes which were always present, stronger than we know and able to answer our disappointment.

Thank God for always being the rope to catch me. He’s done it before, He will most certainly do it again!

You are the perfect match for my every need. I am weak. You are strength. I am unable. You are capability. I am hesitant. You are assurance. I am desperate. You are fulfilment. I am confused. You are confidence. I am tired. You are rejuvenation.- TerKeurst, page 65

And because He lives within us, we can give Him our weaknesses and exchange them for His strengths. I’m strong, capable, assured and fulfilled. We just have to believe it, speak it, do it and be it. I’m not invisible, I’m just being hidden for the right opportunities and blessings to overtake me and I know that sounds peculiar but that’s why I’m here and until I’m ready I will continue to develop.

Hi, my name is Brittany, nice to meet you…

4 thoughts on “Uninvited: Chapter 5: Hello, My Name Is Trust Issues

  1. Absolutely powerful and a on time read for me today. I faced a challenge today that made me drop a few tears. But the other day while writing some goals down for the year I became completely overwhelmed due to my fear of my current circumstance. I was thinking to myself how in the world am I going to do all of this. I heard the still small voice say to me….You are feeling anxiety because you feel like you have to do this alone. God wants us to remember that He is concerned with every part of our lives. He knows the hairs upon our head and He loves us so tenderly. Even in our moments of indecisiveness and doubt He assures us by reminding us that we are never alone. Thank you for your transparency for in that…..You heal and we heal as well. Much Love!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Man, your testimony ministered to me. I’ve realized that sometimes the very person that is in your corner is the very person we are most skeptical of. Since writing this I’ve been asking myself why don’t I trust Him like I should and the only answer I could give is that it must have been something that didn’t turn out the way I thought it should’ve…but even then I know in my heart that it was for the best…and with all the excuses out the way…I guess I just need help with it now because I’m willing and I know you are too. You’re not alone. You will accomplish greatness and I’ll be cheering you on🙌😲🏅🏆💪👐


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