Uninvited: Chapter 7: When Our Normal Gets Snatched

Hey Guys,

So just after I posted the Chapter 6 review (If you haven’t read it, click here) I decided to get a head start on Chapter 7. I can tell from the 1st 1 1/2 pages she’s really going in. This is something that I really didn’t want to confront. I mean I have, but in a surface kind of a way. I’ve bundled this with every other rejection up until this point. Out of all of them, this one stings the most. Perhaps because I knew I needed to know him when I met him, my past faded and I couldn’t think of life before him. During the time, it was a present. I thought he was be the gift I got and that we would be able to open our future together. I was right about one thing,  it was a gift…that ripped apart my future. I’ve healed but in a deformed kind of a way, still tender even though it’s been years later. So I guess now is as good as any time to spill the beans.So let’s deal with in once and for all, cause I’m so tired of the weight of it.

Chapter 7 starts out with Lysa recalling when she was dumped. She goes into detail about her “entire inner life had just been declared a state of emergency.” Her well planned life was now up in smoke as she lost connection to all of her dreams that would never be. Giiirrrrrl, I can relate! I had THE convo too. I didn’t have our life planned out but I saw a future with him and was forced to crumble that up like a mistake made while typing on a old school typewriter. It left me…unconfident, I was sure about “us” then I was forced not to be so sure and in some small way I’ve been unsure about relationships ever since. As a matter of fact, there were no other relationships after this. I stopped envisioning a future with anyone. I turned my focus to God and I wish I could say that I’ve been completely faithful to God but let’s just say that I’m grateful that He’s faithful even when I’m not. I know so many Christians who have the testimony of being saved and never looking back. If you’re looking for a perfect example, you might as well click outta here right now. Don’t even waste your time going any further, cause I know I can be a hot mess at times, but God…

He (the guy, not God) once asked me “Why do women want to be with men who don’t have their stuff together?” and at the time I thought I could answer it but now I’m not sure. I thought it was because we could grow together but I’ve realized that you cannot grow with an unfulfilled person and neither can you ask them to not be fulfilled to be with you. I was scared of the resentment that could’ve ensued, so the only option was to let him go. Everyone told me he would come back for me. He didn’t. He didn’t even look back. I, on the other hand, waited for years, not entertaining anyone else in hopes that he would realize that a piece of himself was left in the DMV, it wasn’t.

All of that was over 7 years ago…

But I can pull that memory as if it was yesterday. I have to search around a bit in my past, but there it is. The wound isn’t pulsing with pain any longer. It’s more of a scar. Like a war wound, it’s just a story now. (TerKeurst, page 75)

After she tells her story, she began to try to find words to sum up why she hated rejection. Her most fitting phrase was “I don’t want my normal to be snatched away.” To that I replied, ” It doesn’t matter what you want. Rejection doesn’t care about your normal.” I stand by that, what I hate about rejection is that it’s rejection. You can come up with a million amazing reasons why you shouldn’t be rejected but I’ve never wanted to feel like I needed to convince someone to choose me.

Life feels impossibly risky when I’m reminded how unpredictable circumstances can shatter and forever change what I know and love about my life. And in the fallout, some pieces never find a way to fall back into place. It’s like taking a photograph containing all the people you love and suddenly some of those people purposely cut themselves our of the picture. And the gaping hole left behind is in some ways worse than death. If their absence was caused by death, you would grieve the loss. But when their absence is caused by rejection, you not only grieve their loss but you also have to wrestle through the fact that they wanted this. They chose to cut themselves out. Though you are devastated, they are possibly walking away feeling relieved. Or worse, they might even feel happy. And there you sit, staring at a jacked-up photograph that no glue in the world can fix. (TerKeurst, page 76-77)

I couldn’t have said it better but I suppose that’s life..

She then goes on to describe a woman whose purse was snatched as she tried on shoes. The woman screamed and ran after him. One moment her day was going as planned and then a thief robbed her of her normalcy. I’m not sure if this is even on the same wave length but I’ve had my car broken into before and you feel violated and trust is just something you used to do because now you are always aware so that it’ll never happen again. Luckily, in the chaos of it, he only managed to get away with her phone after tossing her purse, likely due to her pursuit. She was brave, most of us aren’t that brave to chase after our assailants and bring them to justice.

Next, Lysa talks about a friend of hers whose husband left her for someone else. She spoke in detail how devastating it was to her friend to pick up and move out of a house and life she thought she’d inhabit forever. Specifically she spoke about when she received a phone call from the friend in the thick of her move. The friend broke down on the other end of the phone because the movers needed to know what to do with her wedding portrait and the truth was she didn’t know what to do with the wedding portrait. What do you do with things that no longer have a place but you want them to? I don’t know but you most certainly can’t go running down the street chasing it hoping that most of what you lost will be dropped on the side of the street. Although it’s unfair, or seemingly unfair, we can’t walk around angry at the cards we are dealt. Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve realized that my love walk has been off and have been working to get it on track because even though life may try to beat me I have victory through Jesus. I know I owe Him everything and if I don’t have love, I have nothing…every trial, every victory would all be in vain.

Rejection steals the security of all we thought that was beautiful and stable and leaves us scared and fragile and more vulnerable than ever but I can’t continue to fully embrace God while rejecting His ways. (TerKeurst, page 80)

Lysa then goes on to talk about her envisioning herself standing between 2 boxes, 1 box of bitterness and the other a box of grace symbolized by lilies. She realizes if she doesn’t choose the box of grace, she’ll by default carry around the box of bitterness and the stench will rub off on everyone, everything and every situation that comes in contact with her. She’ll forever be operating out of her experiences from a marred point of view because she would’ve justified her actions based off of the dad that left, the disappointments of life, the breakups she’s experienced, the friend’s offense, the teacher’s rudeness and so many other hurts. I know it seems so unfair. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, right? These people did you wrong and rejected you and yet you have to turn around and give them grace but something inside wants them to pay, whether it’s by telling everyone what horrible people they are or them gaining 15 pounds or something. Somehow they should pay though. I remember when the people in my life would do me wrong, I would ask God to give them what they deserved, never cursing them but I thought it was fair at the time, but since I’ve walked closer to God I realized that they should’ve only been met with mercy, grace and prayer, not my bitterness and not me secretly wanting God to deal with them harshly. That’s when you truly love though, when someone treats you the worst possible way and you continue to bless them. I don’t know about you but I absolutely need assistance with that.

The only thing I’ve seen work in my life to protect my heart from these deep wounds is the constant pursuit of the sweetest grace. To love God is to cooperate with His grace. And since I’m so very aware of my own need for grace, I must be willing to freely give it away. Each hold left from rejection must become an opportunity to create more and more space for grace in my heart. (TerKeurst, page 82)

All of this made me think of a song I heard recently and I wanted to share it because it fit so well. I hope you will listen to it on YouTube and read these lyrics. When did we forget that he was the king of the world and replaced Him with us? When did we get bold enough to go before a holy God and tell Him which box we wanted to choose. Father, forgive us. Help us to choose grace every time and we are grateful that when it came to us, you choose grace time after time, after time, never giving up. Thank you for showing us how we should extend grace…time, after time, after time and then more. Thank you that you enabled us to do this and bring to our memories in the heat of the situation to remove our emotions enough to ask ourselves What Would Jesus really Do? In Jesus’ name,  Amen.

King Of The World” by Natalie Grant                                                                                       

I tried to fit you in the walls inside my mind
I try to keep you safely in between the lines
I try to put you in the box that I’ve designed
I try to pull you down so we are eye to eye

When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world?
I try to take life back right out of the hands of the king of the world
How could I make you so small
When you’re the one who holds it all
When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world

Just a whisper of your voice can tame the seas
So who am I to try to take the lead
Still I run ahead and think I’m strong enough
When you’re the one who made me from the dust

When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world?
I try to take life back right out of the hands of the king of the world
How could I make you so small
When you’re the one who holds it all
When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world

Ohhhh, you set it all in motion
Every single moment
You brought it all to be
And you’re holding on to me

When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world?
I try to take life back right out of the hands of the king of the world
How could I make you so small
When you’re the one who holds it all
When did I forget you’ve always been the king of the world
You will always be the king of the world

Peace! Hope you liked it, if you did, please let me know by liking the post and/or commenting. I really love reading and having conversations with you guys…keep’em coming.

Love you,

Beebz ❤

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