It feels like I haven’t talked to you guys in a month of Sundays (Have you guys ever heard that expression? It means a long time 🙂 ) Anyway, I hope you had a peaceful and reflective Memorial Day weekend. Mine wasn’t so much peaceful as it was reflective. I reflected on the events, the people I’ve lost (living and dead) and who I want to be despite those circumstances…but before I go any further, my thoughts are with you all that may have lost anyone you loved or cared deeply for. I know traditionally, Memorial day is the day that you remember those who have lost their lives in battle but life is a battle at times and it’s not easy to move on without folk. There’s been times where I’ve had to trick myself by telling myself that they were on a trip just so I could face the day.
I’ve never lost anyone as a casualty of war but I have lost a few to battling cancer, a few to miscommunication, wrong timing, hurt feelings and some I really don’t know why I’ve lost them but I did, casualties all the same, some gone too soon, other’s time was up. So in observance of the holiday, I’ve decided to observe my life in spite of those departures. What impact they made and how can I use it to make the future me better.
I really don’t know why I’m getting emotional as I write this but there’s a famous quote that says that “It’s better to have loved and lost than to not loved at all.” I choose that quote as a banner over my life. One thing I can say with is that I loved and still love these people for all that we were and every experience we shared. So I ask myself: What did they leave behind? What have a learned from the time we’ve spent together? What lessons have I learned from their departure? How can I use it to make me better? What have I wanted to change about me that I have yet to in the light of the end of our time together?
I’ve learned that I shouldn’t save the best for last. I should live my best right now. I’m still learning that I shouldn’t count the cost when serving others. I’m learning to reach out more even when it doesn’t serve me or caused me to be inconvenienced. If I love someone or appreciate who they are or what they’ve done, I’m learning to express it right then and there, even if it makes me a cornball. I’m learning to give more hugs and kisses. I’m learning the importance of taking time for me most of all and not depending on someone else to make that time for me if I don’t recharge myself. It’s great to serve people and not expect to be served in return but in order to do that without growing salty, I’m learning I have to recharge myself. I’ve neglected myself attempting to do the above to honor those who I’ve lost in an effort to not make the same mistakes. I’ve wondered why I haven’t seemed like I’ve scratched the surface in really loving people and it’s because I haven’t really loved myself. What I mean by that is I’m known for being the friend, sister and daughter who is there and
sometimes a lot of times it’s at the expense of my plans to take care of me. I want to be responsible, reliable and loving and I even desire to serve but I have struggled with when is too much too much, when am I setting into being God in their lives, where they rely on me for their needs more than God.
I honor those relationships by doing what I could do while they were here and that’s giving them realistic ideas about what and who I am.
So who am I?
I am a woman who is getting her time back (I know this is one of those things that I have to be careful what I ask for but so be it)
I am a woman who is determined to live her best life
I am a woman who loves God (just cause He’s third on this list doesn’t mean He’s third in my heart or mind)
I am a woman who forgives easily
I am a woman who is committed in getting her mind, spirit, soul and body right
I am a work in progress
Now the real work begins!! I design the life I want to live and equipped with this information, I can use it to build the life God had for me all along.
What have you learned from the departures you’ve experienced? Any lessons you’d like to share? Please comment below and share the wealth.