Confessions…Part 2

Hey Peculiars Screenshot_20170410-040021

So the other day I posted a confession, if you haven’t read it and would like to, click here. In it, I detailed my car giving me issues not even a week after my full time job ended. I initially wasn’t going to talk about this but I wanted to be transparent during this process. So here it goes…lately there’s been really weird things happening and I’m not sure if it’s just apart of the process or not.

Last Friday my job ended, that Sunday my car stopped working out of the blue and then realized the severance was way less than I expected it to be. I spent all week relying on my mom to get to my part time job. I made a comment about 4th of July which seemingly sparked some type of backlash on a call I attend on the regular basis and lastly, before the weekend was over, I was told that I may not attract my husband because I cut my hair and he may mistake me for a lesbian. Yep, you read that right, someone has judged how I look by my sexual orientation. Furthermore, they assumed that other people would too. The icing on the cake, was that someone else tried to rationalize the comment by suggesting that the person may have come to that conclusion by questioning if I was wearing loose clothes, no earrings or makeup at the time. For the record, there’s not a “look” assigned to anyone whether straight or not. I’m straight, the person knows I’m straight and although the comment was prefaced with “Don’t take offense, but…” I did. This is someone I look up to and love; their opinion mattered to me but to equate my hair to sexual orientation was ridiculous and I can’t help but to be a tad disappointed.

I’m not sure where all of this negative activity came from. I pride myself on having great vibes. I’m the girl who’s life is anything but drama filled and in the last two weeks it’s been wild. So wild, that it confuses me as to whether these events took place because it’s apart of the process or because I made a wrong move somewhere and I know that some may think that it’s all random isolated events but for whatever reason, I don’t think they are. I guess I’m apart of the “everything happens for a reason” club.  I’ve backtracked my steps and I don’t remember me doing anything to receive such negativity. If I was more of a “New Age” thinker, I would definitely think the universe was trying to tell me something or get my attention. If that’s the case, then my attention has been grabbed.

If this is “apart of the process,” cool. I understand a price has to be paid for greatness. I know far too well about being peculiar. I didn’t cut my hair or have an opinion for the sake of being different. I cut my hair and dyed it rose gold because I am in transition, my life looked like it was upside down but I had a peace about the whole job ordeal that made me feel like at the end of it, it would be right side up. So I lived in that peace by choosing to express myself by changing my hair. I didn’t consider how anyone would think about it. When I chose to start my locs folk had opinions about that too but as they grew longer, I guess they became more acceptable. The funny thing is that when I cut my hair, I received nothing but compliments so it was alarming to me that my hair would cause me to miss out on love??? Let this be known, if that in fact is a reason why I have yet to find love, then I won’t, because this is me. I’m not faking to be someone I’m not so I can get a man’s attention. That’s too costly and I’m not willing to pay. This reminds me one of my most favorite scriptures…

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7, NLT)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not attempting to make this person a villain. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Speaking of opinion and the entitlement of it, I feel like everyone else is entitled to it but when I have a strong opinion, there’s an issue. So, the scenario on the call was I was asked my opinion of 4th of July and I stated that I felt that many Americans don’t really care about what or why they celebrate as long as they get a day off work and a plate from a cookout. (Please see this article by The Root) I then went on to say that we were celebrating robbery (panties were ruffled). Yes, the idea is to celebrate independence from Britain but initially the settlers were kicked out of Europe, came to America, kicked out the people who originally lived here off their land, raped, pillaged, named them savages and then stated that they founded it. I assuming by labeling the Natives savages, it was acceptable to take their land by any means necessary and then use it to break free from their oppressors while becoming oppressors themselves. But upon further investigation, the 4th of July wasn’t even when the document was signed but was when the wording was approved. Hence, we are celebrating proofreading, I guess. Feel free to watch another interesting video on the topic here. I’m not racist, I love everyone but facts are facts and we are all slaves to something: sugar, sex, money, work, God, TV, drama, the hustle…whatever. My point is have purpose behind what you celebrate. Even if it’s just to get time with family and friends or to have a hot dog, at least there’s purpose there…do you’re thing cuz anytime we can spend with family is time well spent.

Needless to say, the conversation was met by stating how independent everyone felt and how “some of us” (aka me) allow the history to be an excuse to block our future. I’m not allowing history to block my future. I’m informed and respect my history so I won’t make the same mistakes. It then turned to slavery and a comment was made about no longer picking cotton. Of course, I then made another comment about the location changing. No we are no longer picking cotton but we are slaves to our jobs. Folk love to talk about how crazy this generation is but will not accept the fact that previous generation sew into that, we didn’t get here alone…well we did because we come from a time when parents were always at work trying to make a living but never really living. Everyone dressed cute and lived well but the fabric of society tore went folk chose their jobs over their families. Trading dollars for hours is usually ends up in you needing more hours to work because of growing expenses. This is modern day slavery in my mind when a job can tell you when you can eat, use the bathroom, when to wake up or take a vacation. I’m sorry but that doesn’t sound like freedom to me. Again, that was met with unfavorable comments. My intention wasn’t to ruffle feathers but to just give my honest opinion. I know we might trade some of our freedoms for a 9-5 to get other things but is that a life worth living? I’m not sure. After that, I shut down a little; instead of being willing to share, my voice grew quiet. I understand that everyone won’t agree with me all of the time and that’s cool but if you ask my opinion, allow me to give it without backlash. If you don’t agree, agree to disagree and keep it moving.

As far as the car and the severance, the car ended up cutting off again while taking it to the shop to get looked at. Eventually, I got it to start and dropped it off only to find out that they couldn’t find anything. I received the same news at the dealership; several test were done and nothing showed up. So, as odd as it has been, I’ve been driving it. With the severance, I knew it wouldn’t last a lifetime but it’s really not much so as aware as I am about not wanting to trade my hours for dollars, I may have to. The difference is this time I will make the job work for me.

Anyway, I have wrapped you guys up long enough. I just wanted to give an update on what’s going on with me. Let me know in the comments about how you feel about these occurrences. How would you respond, if it were you?

bitmoji-20170612023207  Beebz ❤


3 thoughts on “Confessions…Part 2

    1. I appreciate you so much. I realize now I had to take a step back and see it for what it was. I didn’t need everyone agree with me. I think I felt a little attacked at the time but attacked or not, you are so right. I can’t let it stop me from being present and expressing different point of views.


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