Today, as I was coming into work, I started thinking about when is it the right time to give our all. At 34, is it the right time now? And if I have not built that habit, how do I begin to give my all now? Have you ever wondered this or am I on my own with this one?
As a kid, I believed in saving the best for last and as I look back on it, that rang true, even down to my Lucky Charms. I was the kid who would separate the cereal from the marshmallows. I ate the cereal first and was hell bent on only eating the marshmallows when it had accumulated to a huge mountain. Somehow, that satisfied me. To be able to savor legit, sweet victory made me feel accomplished and the marshmallows were my trophy for getting through half the box.
I think this somehow infiltrated into my thinking as I grew up, I thought that the finer things should only be accessible once I put in the work and had dealt with the less desirable. I would have really cute outfits but would wear other ones instead because I was saving them for better events. The worst part is that I would never end up even wearing the really nice outfit because I never ended up going anywhere worthy, or so I thought. I would constantly make bomb purchases and then they’d sit in the closet. Only to finally have an event to go to and either I’d forget about it, can’t fit it, bought something else or it would be out of style at that point. I played myself and my finances so many times and I’d wind up looking sub par because I would feel like I was doing the most if I wore my really cute fits.
I’ve always had an infinity for nice things. I can pick quality with my eyes closed. I never saw anything wrong with having nice things, I just thought you had to pay your dues, you had to work hard for them to appreciate it and that somehow translated to me not being able to have success until I was older. There may be dues to be paid but why not create your own lane now? So when’s the right time to pull out that outfit and shine? I don’t know about you but I’m tired of waiting on it, I wanna create it and live in the space of challenging myself to outdo my own standards. Opposed to having to endure struggles because my brain says these are the prices that must be paid…toil until you’re older and when you’ve paid with your youth, success is somehow then accessible.
But the crazy thing is that I could go on and on, seeing this pattern interwoven through my life and let’s not talk about the trash relationships I’ve allowed myself to endure to “be ready” for the “right one.” The right one that still isn’t present but I paid my dues, right?
These days, I’ve been thinking more an more about giving my all first in every area and expecting it first, especially when it comes to my business; not waiting for the right time to enjoy the best of things but enjoying greatness as it comes and celebrating it. In theory, I’m tired of waiting but when I look at my actions sometimes they can be self sabotaging. I spent so much time waiting on something to happen that it never happened and now I’m wondering do I have what it takes to make it happen? I’m asking God, “Do I deserve this? Will I squander it? Am I a good steward? Will I know what to do with it? Am I shooting myself in the foot by not actively participating in my success but actively taking the backseat?” This clip from Rap Radar’s podcast with Jay-Z resonated with me. Everyone has to start from somewhere. It might be horrible, it might be great but at least there’s movement. I can’t continue to put off my greatness because there may be backlash.
Get ready folks, come Monday morning there’s gonna be an all out war about this clip. pic.twitter.com/sz834OuzxV
— NOT Jae Crowder (@el_budget) August 19, 2017
From the whole interview my favorite part is when Jay-Z says, “Nothing moves without us, but we continue to give it away.” Don’t give it away, whether it be to someone else or by not using what we have. We don’t realize we are stopping the progression of everyone else when we don’t do what we are suppose to and there’s times when we have to break away from the familiar. In retrospect, to allow fear in any capacity to take over is selfish when you think of everyone else it affects. Then the obvious questions is, “Have I not been giving my all for fear of failure?” It reminds me to the movie Field of Dreams, “If you build it, they will come.” But if you never build it, they won’t…and you can get comfortable in the “Imma do it” cycle. I didn’t know I could make it happen growing up and it’s been perpetuated year after year. It literally never occurred to me but living in this environment where anything seems possible, what’s my excuse?
As an adult, I look back and I should’ve demolished the marshmallows first!! Nothing in life is guaranteed. I owe it to myself, to We, The Peculiars and to you guys to push forward. I’m glad to say that I’m learning. Let my mistakes be what makes you live your best life now.
Eat Devour your marshmallows now, wear your best outfits, try your best, build your brand, take steps…do something. The time is NOW, no more wasted time! I’m convinced those habits will make for the most authentic, amazing life.