So good to talk to you guys again. We are finally at the last chapter of the book! What were your thoughts on the book? Did you like it? Did it help you in some way recognize the damage that rejection left or did it help you confront issues you didn’t even know you had?
This book helped me in so many ways but I think it showed me that I wasn’t alone. It showed me how to identify what I had been living all along. I’m grateful that she was so transparent about the rejection from her dad and how it seeped into her romantic relationships. Her transparency gave me the “Okay, I’m not crazy…” and I needed that. I really didn’t know how much I did but I did. It felt weird to me that when I had hardships in relationship that I would liken it to my relationship with my dad. To be honest, it made me feel like a creep so I never really talked about how one affected the other. No one else around me had those specific type of relationships. All of my female friends were/are the apple of their dad’s eye so I grew up thinking it was my fault or something wrong with me. I’ll forever love this book for unlocking that for me. It showed me that this might be the cause but now that I can identify it (and not be ashamed) take the power away from it. It wasn’t enough for me to recognize that the issues from my dad weighed in on the outcomes of the failed relationships because if I didn’t have the tools to fix it, I would still have a trail of them in the wake of this revelation.
My fix wasn’t to place blame but to take the power back and deal with my issues, not to confront the people involved but to confront me and to take responsibility for my part in them. Yep I said it, I had to take 100% responsibility and get out of the victim mentality that says that “This happened to me.” I’m a big believer that we have a choice in every situation. Previously, I approached relationships from that stance. The rejection of my dad made me a people pleaser, fact. I went into relationships people pleasing, fact. Nothing was ever enough. I couldn’t be enough to keep them despite everything I did, fact. The truth is that whenever we put people on pedestals, they are bound to fall off. The truth is is that I wasn’t myself, I was who they wanted me to be and that couldn’t last. The truth was it was unfair to believe that they were bad people for not being who I thought they needed to be for me, when I should’ve been who I needed to be for myself but I didn’t think I was good enough. I never said that I wasn’t and I don’t think I ever acted like I wasn’t but the vibe was that they were too good for me. They just received the energy I put out there. That was the truth. I was a great girl but no one wants someone who doesn’t believe they are worthy.
This book came to my life at the right time. I was working on me with self development, strengthening my relationship with God and then I added this book to dig up issues from my past so that I might deal with them in light of the woman I had begun to create. It aided in the healing process for sure. I can’t recommend this book enough and has easily become one of my favorites. Thanks Lysa.
Okay for real this time…Chapter 16 is only 5 pages. In those 5 pages she talks about all of us wanting a microwaved, 10 minutes or less answer for rejection. How we thought that if we only had this or was that, then we would finally be accepted, I don’t know.
By then I’d learned a painful lesson I’d continue to learn over and over again through different seasons of my life: The spotlight never fixes our insecurities. It only magnifies what we thought popularity would cover up. Neither does a great relationship…If we think lesser things can truly satisfy, we’ll forever chase the wind. (TerKeurst, pages 206-207)
That pursuit is a distraction. That pursuit pulls us away from the only remedy that works and causes us to fix our attention and desires to chase everything and everyone that can assist us in becoming or having what we think we need to fulfill us. The crazy thing is, is that when we finally meet the goal and expect satisfaction, we never get it and then it’s on to the next crazy pursuit, literally insanity in motion, but we’re so busy trying to catch it that we never realize that we never will. Days, months, years and maybe even decades go by and we realize that we haven’t lived. We can stop all that now. Go to God, it’s really as simple as that. If you haven’t remembered anything from this book or these reviews, Go to God.
Stop living in the “One days” and live in the now. You know the “One days,” “One day I’ll be married.” “One day I’ll be someone’s wife.” ” One day I’m gonna get my life together and stop playing.” “One day I’ll be someone’s mom.” “One day I’ll enjoy life.” “One day I’ll try.” “One day I’ll have this.” “One day I’ll go.” “One day I’ll do.” “One day I’ll see.” Do you know how many people that said “One day” never lived to see that day? A LOT. Do it now and if you have to do it afraid, do it anyway.
Overcoming rejection can never be dependent on overcoming a perceived obstacle. (TerKeurst, page 208)