I Don’t Know What to Call This…

Hey Screenshot_20170813-092414.jpg

It’s been a couple of days, I’m sorry. I’ve been slightly depressed and uninspired. It’s not who I am and in fact, I feel really bad admitting it, not because I don’t want to be transparent but because I don’t want to put the negative energy in the atmosphere. I don’t know what to say. The girl who was “living her best life” while buying everything that her heart desired is now waking up and realizing that more money needs to be coming in. The girl who always has the smile on her face, doesn’t know what to do next. Don’t get me wrong I definitely believe God has me but I’ve just been unsure about things and I don’t really know how to express it which is why I probably haven’t said anything earlier.

The upside is I know why. I made a declaration. I knew when I put it in the atmosphere that I would get hit, I just didn’t know how. The declaration I made was “I am a student and teacher of love.” Sounds simple, right? But I knew then that it was risky putting that out there because the epitomie of God is love. What does the world need more than love? I’ll wait…NOTHING. I knew he was gonna try to throw me off. So I attempted to prepare myself by recognizing that the opposite would come at me. I figured I’d get soooo much hate but I told myself I would love more. And even though I know that this is an attack to directly oppose my goal, I still fell for it. I’m not perfect. This blog is not about me being perfect and you marvelling. It’s about me being a Christian, me being real and the interpretation of those as I apply both to business and life. If I motivate you, it’s only because I found motivation first. If I teach you, it’s only because I’ve been taught first. If I love you, it’s only because I’ve been loved first and I have…by God.

When I was younger, around 25 I wanted to start a non-profit to heal broken hearts. Did you know that it’s an actual condition? I wanted to heal both but I didn’t make good on it because I realized that it’s more paperwork that actual hands on help. I should’ve done it anyway and maybe I still will.

As far as I can remember love has always been a central theme in my life, being rejected only amplified it. My friends and I constantly talk about love, I watch it on tv and go to movies about it. I learn about it in church and try to express it as much as I can. It’s all over my world, even on my personal Instagram page, my bio says, “Karen raised me, Yeshua saved me. Student and Teacher of love. Creative in every way. Some say I’m sweet…I’ll be all of that.” Love is huge and it’s my mission. So I decided that I would study it. I found myself on Target’s book aisle looking through the shelves when I woman asks me why did I choose the books in my hand and I told her, “I’m on a mission to study love.” The answer poured out of me without a thought. She revealed that she was curious because she was a matchmaker from Atlanta, here to visit her parents. It was a very cool exchange; we spoke a bit more and said goodbyes but I kick myself for not getting her contact info. I remember thinking it was as if she was an angel the way she appeared out of nowhere.

Since then, I’ve been reading one of the books I purchased that day called The Love Warrior. My God, it’s soooo powerful!! Unlike Uninvited, this is a memoir which is pretty girty by Glennon Doyle Melton. I just finished the first chapter and the honesty is soooo breathtaking. If you want me to review this book, please let me know. I can tell that you guys liked the Uninvited reviews but I’m not sure how you guys would feel about a memoir.

Have you guys ever been attacked once you spoke something into the atmosphere or endeavored to put passion behind something? I’m curious. Of course, some people may not think it’s related…I’d like to hear from you too.

Hope you had an amazing weekend and are inspired and challenged to push for your dreams in this coming week.

 Beebz ❤

 

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