When my job ended at the end of June, I had already cut my hair in May, May 18th to be exact. It wasn’t for attention from outsiders but to wake myself up. I’d been on autopilot for years and I was scared that I didn’t know how to soar manually anymore. So a month before my 34th birthday, I chopped off 4 years of dedication, 4 years of convincing the outsiders that locs were beautiful and acceptable. I gave up that fight for adventure into the unknown…and I was scared.
I’m still scared. As I sit in a bathtub of water that I hope I can pay for while praying for future baths, I feel more like I’m in quicksand than I do a pool of water. I’m scared that I made the wrong choice. I’m scared that the war in me will go on for forever. To get a 9 to 5 or not, that is the question. I’m scared that my passion is fleeting and my plane is gliding with no fuel opposed to the soaring above the clouds. I thought it would happen as soon as I paid for my WordPress account and began. I was scared that like for so long, it happens for everyone else but not Brittany…always the bridesmaid and never the bride. I’m scared that when opportunity comes I won’t recognize the knock. I’m scared that my truth isn’t motivating enough or that it doesn’t please God. I’m legit terrified…still.
Years ago my concern wasn’t my career; remember, I was on autopilot? My only concern was whether I would ever find love or if it would ever find me. What has kept me for so many years has been when I found myself in a low place, I’d remind myself that if my life was as bad as it could get, being as though I was single and still am, then my life is pretty good. So I would have to admit that my life is not bad. My life was and still is really good. I have no room for complaints. These aren’t complaints but they are fears and it seems the topic has transferred from love to career. It’s not that I no longer care about falling in love, I do but I legit gave it to God. It did me no good crying, wanting and having an attitude because in the end I still didn’t have the relationship. So, I figured it was time to do something new, which was not to obsess over it…so I don’t.
God didn’t give me a spirit of fear. I know that. So what’s this opposition I’m feeling? I guess it means that these concerns aren’t from God. So I’m reminded not to give it power. I do that by affirming something positive, by sticking to the recent changes I’ve made, and by changing my perspective from empty to full. (This is how I get out of that place, if you weren’t paying attention)
Most people won’t share this with their audience but I’m not most people. I want you to see my scars so that when something amazing happens we can both glorify God. Here’s some affirmations I’m saying to clear my head of doubt.
- I’m the head and not the tail. Blessed coming and going, in the city and in the field.
- I thank the Lord for bringing me my desires
- I am thankful for everything I have
- I intend to create prosperity
- I have the mind of Christ and the wisdom of God
- I already have the answers to this problem
- I’ll do what is necessary to eradicate this problem
- I know that God is with me
- I have faith that everything works together for my good
- I give no energy to negative
- I hear God and I know that I will be guided to take action
- I am 100% responsible for my life
- I can do this
I hope this somehow ministers to you. Just because we name the name of Jesus doesn’t mean that concerns don’t arise. As a matter of fact, I speak crop failure to every negative word spoken and thought. I cancel it’s conception and replace it with positive words of life. I plead the blood of Jesus over my thoughts, emotions and actions. I receive clarity as I move forward and take authority over these fears. I speak light that my path might be easier to apprehend and navigate. My future is bright! In the name of Jesus, Amen.
Maybe you might relate to what I’ve shared. If so, comment, like and subscribe. I know I’m not the only one going through. Either way, I pray you got something out of me sharing my truth.