Unfortunately today is gonna be another late one. There is a lot going on right now. Let me catch you up.
So last Saturday was my mom’s birthday and I really wanted to bless her. Lately that’s been really important to me. I guess as you get older you have more of an awareness of the mortality of your loved ones. I know everyone wants to get money so that they can take care of their mom but this has been really heavy on my heart. That’s one of the reasons why I’m really motivated to post even when I don’t feel like it.
Anyway we ended up taking her out to dinner last Saturday and my brother acted a fool. He has autism and that day must have been an off one for him. She knew in advance that I had something else planned for this weekend so I wasn’t too upset. I’ve been so excited and beyond grateful to be able to do anything for her and to be honest, I’m not sure how I’ve managed this, I just have to thank God that He made it possible.
So tomorrow I’m taking her to the Cheesecake Factory in Baltimore, MD. I’m sure you are currently laughing at me but wait for it…This is only a cover to get her to Baltimore. While dining, we will be really waiting for my best friend, Sabrina and her mom so that we can check into a hotel…she has no idea they will be there. She only knows to pack a bag and to be extra cute for Saturday night. Again, you are probably thinking, sooooooo…
We booked the hotel so that we wouldn’t have to rush there or back home because we bought tickets to see JANET JACKSON!!! Again, this might not be a big deal to you but Chile, it’s a big deal for me.
When we first heard about her coming to town I was with my mom and she was talking about how much she wanted to go but she knew we couldn’t because by then I had been outta work for awhile and she had just had a flood in her basement and was trying to get her finances on the up and up. I’m not sure how old you guys are but I’ve wanted to see Janet ever since I saw her Velvet Rope tour on a VHS that we rented from Blockbuster.📼
Trying to keep this secret has been crazy and I think I’m more excited to unveil it than to see the show. Okay, let’s retract that last statement. I’m equally as excited. I’ll be sure to cover all the details in a “What I Did With My Saturday” (WIDWMS) post.
Aside from that, I’ve been gearing up to do the second part of the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) initiative. I actually covered the kickoff in my first WIDWMS post. This past Wednesday was the actual event. This event is super special to me because I didn’t ask to head it but I ended up rising to the occasion, it was all me and it was a success!
I had different stations, we formed tornadoes with dish soap, water, a circular container with a lid and spinned the bottle and witnessed a live twister. After that, they went to another station where they drew pictures of what they saw, followed by a video about weather. Then we made hurricane storm clouds using a rectangular container, water, shaving cream and an array of watered down food coloring mixtures. The water portrayed our atmosphere, the shaving cream were the clouds and the food coloring mixtures replicated when moisture is absorbed into the clouds. Given enough moisture in concentrated areas, it rains. We then watched another video about volcanoes. Lastly, were the volcanoes. I used small plastic cones for the base of the volcano and hot glued the bottom half of a paper cup cut in half to the top of the cone. We then decorated the cone using play-doh. I made flowers and animals and attached them to the side of my volcano, we then added baking soda, food coloring and vinegar and watched the “lava” destroy the play-doh life forms. It was really cool. They had to complete a short survey and DONE. Hallelujah! Good Feedback
I’ve also had house guests for the last month and I’m sure for awhile longer. Their home was built around a well system for their water needs but apparently something malfunctioned and they are no longer able to get any water. This has been really challenging for me. I know it has been crazy for them but I’m use to living alone, I’m single and to be honest I’m use to small bills and this is stretching me.
Compassion has never been an issue for me but a lot of times, we conveniently only see our situations. We hear of others going through, we assume we would help if we could and then we go on our merry little way, until we are called on. So when I was called on, I felt comfortable because I knew them so I rose to the occasion and opened my home to them.
I can’t say that I understand the stress they must be under and how it must feel to not be able to brush you teeth or take a bath at their own leisure. I know it’s hard for them and my heart goes out to them but there are times I must admit, it’s frustrating when they fail to see how much this has affecting my life as well.
I struggle with wanting to be a giver and feeling taken advantage of as I’m still only working part time. Quickly it went from being one person using the resources to three on a limited budget. At this point, I feel like if I wasn’t the only one they relied on it would take some of the pressure off of me but that’s not the case.
It is stressful but I want to give. I don’t want to be selfish. When I was younger, I was really sweet and nice and it seemed like people took my kindness for weakness. Now that I’ve found my voice, I want to speak up for myself but I don’t want to make them feel unwelcome either, so it’s hard to gauge what the situation calls for. I don’t mind helping but I don’t want to feel used either…and I wind up feeling really bad about my feelings (I even feel bad for writing this) and that’s just my internal conflict. Externally, I’ve heard complaints that my bed was too soft, when their water started working for a short time they fell off the face of the earth, complaints about time conflicts, resources left on and my head almost explodes as the feeling of being used creeps back in. Again, I don’t want to be selfish or make them feel unwelcome so I keep my mouth zipped and I have yet to see the bill.
When I feel taken advantage of, I remind myself that that is the nature of people and remember why I’m doing this in the first place. It’s not about them but more about me. I want to be a giver and even though I don’t have much to give, if I can give a shower, a place to cook or even a place to lay their head then that’s what I want to do. I don’t want to ask for money, be patted on my back or my butt kissed. I guess this is what happens when you endeavour to love more, you meet challenges that stretch you. Let’s be honest, they don’t just stretch you they kick you outta your comfort zone and you have to be flexible, willing to shut up, not be right and learn. I just pray I show the love of God and can keep my flesh at bay long enough for them to get their well replaced. I guess the real conflict I’m having is realizing that maybe I’m not a natural giver, I feel like that’s horrible but whether it’s natural or learned behavior, I don’t think it matters much as long as I’m doing the action. What I mean by “natural giver is to give without taking into account the internal and external conflicts. I just want my intentions to be pure, that’s all.
Let me know, if you guys have any suggestions how I should handle these house guests. Am I being used or am I just being petty and should get over myself? Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Should I keep my mouth zipped or should I speak on it? By the way, I just want to really thank you guys for the engagement. I really warms my heart when you leave a piece of yours in the comments section. Keep em’ coming. Have a great weekend and I’ll see you on Monday.