Hey You Guys
So it’s January 31st. Are you still feeling the high of the new year? If you do, give me your secret (No, really, I’m serious. In the comments leave the secrets) If it’s starting to wear off, I feel you. I’m not sure if this is the time that resolutions typically burn out but I’m having an issue. I see what I want to do, the impact I want to make but I can’t and I don’t know why.
I didn’t plan to write this but I felt I might not be the only one going through and to be honest, I’m not the girl to slide things under the rug. I don’t like drama but I do like to confront issues even if it’s my own. I can’t quite put my hand on what’s wrong. It’s as if, subconsciously I don’t want myself to progress.
I was just blessed with a new car with a really good rate, the next day I had an interview for a job that I didn’t apply for and realized that I haven’t had a full time job in 7 months but have been living as if I hadn’t missed a beat…because I haven’t. In fact, I’ve been living better than I ever have. You would never know that I haven’t had that same money coming in. My hair is finally growing back and skin is clearing up. I’m still paying regular mortgage by myself. I didn’t compromise myself when I got lonely. I’m still posting on this site and still coming up with cute tidbits on Instagram.
But on the other hand, I see my clothes fitting tighter, I now have another bill, I see my money decreasing, my house is getting junky and yet I wanna do something about it but can’t seem to. Does anyone else ever see themselves going in the wrong direction but just can’t seem to stop it? or is it just me?
It was so important for me to keep up the momentum of this new year and yet to feel like it’s slipping away from me is disheartening. There’s things I really want to accomplish in
the here and now, not necessarily for the year. Yes, I have plans for the year but right now there’s everyday things that I want to put in place, things that may seem really trivial but when I had a glimpse of putting them into practice, I believe they are the cause of what attracted the amazing outcomes of the last month. I want to continue the goodness but now when I go to do them, there’s an obstacle. I can’t seem to wake up early enough, lack of energy or I forget to do it; the day is too busy or I fall asleep or I just put it off. I’ve had a hard time cleaning, coming up with fresh content and keeping my focus on advancing myself and my business and it’s stressing me out. I feel like I have the cure but can’t seem to apprehend it.
It’s almost as if there’s a glass boundary between me and what I want to do and I don’t know how to break it; I see it, I plan to do it in my heart I want to do it but in my action I’ve been falling short and I don’t know why.
Here’s what I perceive to be the cure:
- Writing 3 things I am grateful for
- Random Acts of Kindness
- Working Out
I began this year being very consistent with at least 3 of the 5…writing 3 things I’m
grateful for everyday, journaling and being intentional about the random acts of kindness. These 5 things have to be a must for me, somehow. Little occurrences create big waves. The Bible promises “If I’m faithful over small things, I will be ruler over much.” Check out Matthew 25:23 if you don’t believe me. It doesn’t say I might rule it says that I will rule but I have to be faithful first. I realize that I would be naive to think that there would be no opposition, that favor comes without a price but the question that I have to ask myself is how much am I willing to invest into myself. Am I really willing to pay the price? But at the core of it all is the question I’ve been dreading to ask, Am I worth the cost?
Honestly, I’m not sure what the solution is. This post is me taking responsibility. I’ve tried praying but couldn’t come up with words. I’ve tried pushing through my feelings to do the “5 Musts,” it didn’t work. I’m gonna try to praise next and I’ll let you know my outcome.
THIS IS MY LIFE! I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR IT! I HAVE TO DO THIS FOR ME! I DESIRE TO IMPACT YOU BUT THIS IS FOR ME!
In the immortal words of DMX… “I’ve slipped, fallen, gotta get up!”