How art thou? As you know last week was super busy for me which resulted in me having a touch of writer’s block this week when attempting to get back in the swing of things. I give myself a D. Honestly, it would’ve been an F. I’m so glad I pushed through to even do this post. It’s not one of my best but I felt that if I didn’t, I would get so off track that I might quit. The only thing that kept me from walking away is the idea that “if I just post how I feel good or bad, it’s something and that might save me.” Outside of that, I honestly don’t know. I haven’t been feeling like I’ve had anything to offer you guys and for that I deserve the F because it should never get to that point.
I gave myself a D because this week I totally was willing to sacrifice my comfort zone and even my goals to promote someone else’s cause. We had our annual girl’s event and I was well within my right to come in at 9 and leave at 3 but I knew if I did, it wouldn’t have been a success and I just couldn’t allow that to happen. Maybe I’m alone in this but there are times when I don’t feel like I give enough so this was huge for me. Don’t get me wrong I know I give but it sometimes doesn’t feel like it’s enough or that I’m in the position to give more.
I was proud of myself because it did come together. I was proud of myself for setting my priorities aside and helping when others really needed it. I’m not a selfish person but with all of the self care talk that has recently come up, I feel bad that I totally let myself go down the drain. I’ve found in my past that it’s hard for me to recover because when I’m risking it all for someone they aren’t looking out for me so everything that concerns me suffers. I feel bad that I put myself in that position but happy at the same time.
Sometimes, when we aren’t in situations, we believe we would do x, y and z until we are called on or have to take initiative that doesn’t benefit us then it’s every excuse. I could’ve made the excuse but I didn’t. On the other hand, being so willing to put others in front of myself caused me to have a hard time taking care of myself and that’s something I really have to work on. During this time I also had a crazy situation happen with my other part time job. My intentions were good when I let them know that I was looking for a full time job. I didn’t say it to put them on alert but to see if maybe they had some contacts in the area and also to just be transparent because they previously had a situation where someone up and left so I thought if I was transparent it would’ve been a way to build trust. Unfortunately that blew up in my face. They ended up calling a meeting and putting me in the same category as the previous person. I pled my case and thought they understood but soon my hours began to get cut and since then I haven’t worked at all. I wanted to blame myself but there’s no one to blame. I was honest, I did the right thing and tried to let them know that I still desired the position.
That has left open a temptation to be anxious about my well being that I’ve avoided, which I’ve been successful at doing for a long time. It’s a temptation to worry but every time I think I’m justified I remember, “God didn’t bring me this far to leave me.” With all of these shenanigans I haven’t kept up with any of the routines I’ve set in place which probably further reinforces the feeling of anxiousness. I’m praying that this wind storm that is hitting the east coast will blow in the optimistic vibes that I usually have and sweep away all of these bad, inadequate, inferior thoughts I’ve been dealing with lately.
Next Week’s Goals:
Let me know if you can relate in the comments below. Are you having a hard time holding on to the goals that you made that was intended on bettering you?