Performance Appraisal Nightmare

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How are you doing? I meant to do a post yesterday but work was busy and I went to sleep early. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot of the past…when I worked. Can you believe it’s almost been a year since I had a full time job?

I initially planned on only being out of work for maybe 3 or 4 months. I never thought it would be this long. There are times when I am seriously in awe and other times it makes me anxious. I wonder if I’ll be a good employee working 8 hours or more or if I’m obsolete. I wonder if I’m going against God’s plan for me by looking for work again. “Maybe I don’t believe enough?,” I often think. I remind myself that everything is working together for my good but every month seems to rush to a new one and my bank account takes hit after hit so I’m constantly remind myself. I don’t stay there long thankfully. I choose to believe that if I wake that morning then the best is yet to come. I rejoice in that and that is where I’ve made my home.

Today in the LCA, we talked about setting goals and again I trailed off to a time when I use to rebel during my performance appraisal time. I knew that I had done a whole lot throughout the year but felt that it would never be captured properly. I worked for a global company and everyone on the same level worldwide competed for their raise. They would literally place us on pyramid scales. So if you were on an Associate level in Customer Service and I was an Associate in Marketing, us and everyone else who was an Associate around the world would compete. To me, it seemed like comparing apples to oranges…to grapefruits and every other fruit in the basket. I thought it should’ve only been apples to apples but they didn’t pay me to think but to work.

I’ve never been one to hate my job but if there was a time when I did, it was then. I hated writing my objectives knowing that someone in Dubai could be on another level in terms of their work environment, support or whatever but yet in my level, and I just had to pull objectives that competed with theirs from the clear blue sky. I thought that management should be in charge of that. “After all, shouldn’t they be telling me about their goals so that I can know how to assist them in making it a reality?” Obviously it didn’t work like that.

You had to make it measurable, it had to fit in with their core values and you seemingly had to update it regularly. It wasn’t so much that I felt that it was stupid per say but I couldn’t understand where all of this expected activity was suppose to come from when my regular job filled up my schedule, it was hard to understand how my personal objectives fell in line with my supervisor’s goals if I didn’t know theirs. I guess it felt like there was a disconnect somewhere but I couldn’t or maybe I just didn’t care to address it because I was far too busy doing what was actually in my job description and so much more which I guess fell under “duties as necessary.”

But what I realized today is that it wasn’t stupid at all. Don’t get me wrong, some things I still don’t agree with, like the apples to oranges comparisons but that’s besides the point. The point is that I was throwing the baby out with the bath water. Those comparisons caused me to hate what I could control and feel pressured. So instead of being excited about creating, I tried to avoid it at all costs and it cost me a lot. I should’ve mastered it because those same suggestions for creating their goals were the same suggestions that were listed today on the call for creating successful personal goals. Bottomline, they were right and I was wrong. Here were the suggestions:

  • specific, deadline, write it down
  • look at it everyday
  • you need a plan to start

I realized I may not be sticking with my goals because I associated negative, uncomfortable feelings around creating them in the first place. So instead of following instructions that could’ve bettered me by writing them down, I’d keep them in my head, easily forgetting them which made it easier to not stick to.

This is now subconsciously what’s going on when I attempt to set goals. I now realize that I have to replace those negative thoughts with better ones or they will never be done. I don’t know if I’ve been the only one struggling but in noticing that 1/4 of the year is almost over. It looks like I have some catching up to do. If you’ve noticed that your intentions haven’t worked out, maybe you might need to replace that negativity too. Let me know if you have achieved goals set or if you had setbacks and what you are doing to combat your setbacks.

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