Expectation of Effort

What’s Up Ladies and Gents screenshot_20180510-093522_photos7862190154161224245.jpg

Merry Holladayz! I hope you all had the most exciting time with family and friends. So this is gonna be a short post…well somewhat short. I had a debate on this earlier in the week and wanted to pose this to you guys.

So you all are aware of “The Crush.” If you aren’t, I have various posts about him so check the first out here and here. Okay, so now that you’re all caught up…well, not really, there’s been a lot that’s happened since June. So let’s catch you up real quick.

We are now best friends with a side of flirting. I know you were probably expecting that I was gonna say he’s my man. Nah, but I could go into a whole ‘nother conversation on that topic but I’m gonna stick to my point. However, you do need a little backstory, so here it goes…

I call him BestFriend so moving forward, we’ll switch out “The Crush” and go with the name my co-workers have given him, BestBae. So, he has two jobs (two full time jobs) and a child…oh and he no longer lives with the child and her mother. Many men are in these circumstances and still live their best lives and do what they do. I’m a big supporter of the thought that people make time for what they want to make time for. Needless to say, we talk several times a day as well as Facetime but we don’t spend much physical time together which makes me feel like we are pen pals.

So when I was asked “What do you want for Christmas?” it caught me off guard. I really wasn’t expecting anything since this is like our first official gift giving. I’ve given him a birthday present which wasn’t expensive but really thoughtful. I didn’t know the perimeters because he’s not my man and I didn’t want to ask for anything that made him feel like I was moving into that vibe. So I told him to just get something from the heart but he kept asking so I said “Time.” My thought process was “Let’s hang out. Let’s have an experience together.” I didn’t elaborate, I just said time. He told me that that shouldn’t be a gift request and that it should be something that’s normal to which I agreed. He even asked my best friend, Sabrina and she gave him a simple idea and he didn’t think it was enough. You’re pretty much caught up now.

He ended up giving me a $150 gift card to the spa. I am extremely grateful and didn’t expect that he would spend so much. Please don’t take what I’m about to reveal the wrong way. I appreciate and I’m happy with the gift; however, I was a bit disappointed in that he could have spent less on me so that he could come too. I’m not gonna lie, I was in my feelings. The one thing I asked for was time and you send me to the spa…by myself?

The debate came in when my co-workers and friends asked what he got me. To their defense, they were invested because I was bouncing ideas of what to get him off of them and they saw my efforts and wanted to make sure it was matched. One friend specifically stated, “Girl, you betta tell him what you want or you gonna wind up with a gift card.” She called it. It’s not the giftcard I have the problem with. It’s that I had to come up with something creative and to send someone to the spa is kinda generic and then on top of that to not include the one request I actually had, was kinda hurtful.

When I told my co-workers about what I got and my thoughts the women understood where I was coming from and the men felt that he did a great job, which he did in terms of it being a nice gift and him going out of his way to pick it up but I don’t understand the thought process. I hadn’t revealed that I was stressed but I did ask for time. I was also told that I wanted him to respond like a woman and by stating that I wanted time it caused him to insinuate that I wanted a full fledged relationship with quality time. I didn’t mean to insinuate anything. I spend time with my friends, I go out of my way to spend time with my friends. Everyone should want growth and while I respect his work ethic, there’s balance that must take place. I want all my relationships to grow, it doesn’t mean I wanna get married tomorrow but it has made me want to dial some of my expectations back. I don’t think it’s too much to expect but maybe it is for someone who wants to stay pen pals.

Now, you know. What do you think? Was I expecting too much? Was the time comment misleading?

Bitmoji Image Beebz ❤

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