Girl, Where Have You Been?

Peculiars

History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.

Martin luther king jr.

I’ve been gone for so long. I’ve been hurting for so long and now, it persists. But on the eve of my birthday, I cannot keep quiet. Although I haven’t been on here in months, I own this platform and I have a responsibility to speak up and just in case you didn’t know…

I. AM. A. BLACK. WOMAN.

MY LIFE MATTERS

I realize I’m no longer safe walking down the street, I’m no longer safe in my car, I am no longer safe in my home because I am not safe in the skin that I am wrapped in.

It’s scary that I was so privileged to be unaware a few months ago. Now, I go the speed limit everywhere because I am now conscious to the fact that all I have to do is come in contact with a police officer or anyone for that matter and my life can be taken without fear of penalty.

At one point, it meant something that I was a woman. Women and children were protected but we are being slaughtered just like our men. Breonna Taylor was in her home…a woman in her home and the outcome was that tragedy struck again. And as hurtful as that is, it’s happening to so many more who are nameless. Although, they aren’t named among the masses, doesn’t mean we can’t feel their energy crying out.

I struggle with wanting to be invisible or wanting to been seen/heard. I struggle with knowing that living everyday is a protest whether I wear ‘Black Lives Matter’ shirt or not. I struggle with knowing that the audacity I have to dream greatly means that I have to work harder and be better than my counterparts and even then I still may not achieve the greatness I could’ve if I were a different colored man. I struggle with knowing that me setting goals, adhering to laws, doing the right things, loving God and minding my business might not be enough if someone else feels like ending my life. I also struggle with wondering if that does happen, did my life really matter? Did I make the impact that I should have?

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.

Desmond tutu

No matter how hurt I am or what I think I should have accomplished by now, at least I’m here to tell you about it; to honor those who came and went before me, I have to speak up. I cannot allow this or any other battle I’m facing in my personal life dictate how I show up or what my legacy might be.

I don’t know much and never proclaimed to but what I know is that no matter how infrequent my posts have been, I’m tied to We, The Peculiars. This brand, no matter how much I’ve neglected it, it has always been on my mind and every time I’m asked “What will you do for the Kingdom?” Without giving it a second thought, I think of this place on the internet.

This time, I’ve let life’s woes, silence my voice because I didn’t think that what I was going through was prolific enough. But I now realize, that previously I went away because I was too prideful. I wanted my platform to grow because I was consistent for a year. Clearly, I wasn’t mature enough to handle that. I will say that I’m proud of my growth. Now, to come back for a second time is long overdue, but also surreal. Either way, I’m here and I’ve decided to be gentle with myself. I’m allowing myself to have and experience whatever feelings I may have. If I need to cry, scream, sleep or sing, I’m doing it with all my heart and taking up that space and you’ll know about it.

So for me it’s important to honor, serve, strengthen, uplift, empower, implore and to just plain be brave during this time.

Love you forever and always,

Beebz ❤

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