Today’s my Birthday! I’m not usually one for celebrating and this year is no different.
This is different, blogging again and talking about my birthday at that. We are still in quarantine for crying out loud. Speaking of quarantine, is anyone else getting anxious just about thinking about going into the world regularly?
I’m shook. It’s seriously freaking me out and I’m low key appalled at all the people asking what I’m doing for my birthday. At this point, I feel like saying, “Trying to stay alive for another year;” which is sad on so many levels.
I’m sorry, I went into a whole meltdown, I don’t want to be rude…How are you all? How’s life, your mental state and your mama and ’em? Comment below… I really want to know.
I am trying to keep my sanity. In the last 2 months, I lost a friend, my Pastor and my Grandma (none due to Rona) in the middle of a pandemic all while experiencing anxiety on another level due to the well documented mass murder of people who look like me. I’ve really been confused about whether to celebrate that I’m still alive or morn because so many have gone and it could’ve just as easily been me.
This has caused me to re-evaluate the value, quality and impact of my life. The question I’m asking myself is “In 37 rotations around the sun, what have I done?” This question bought me back to you. I realized that my legacy is only as good as who and what I’ve impacted. I know the possibility of my reach is way larger online, so here I am. No, it’s not a super glamorous ‘ah ha,’ but an ‘ah ha’ nonetheless.
I can’t lie, with all of this death and destruction going on, I feel like I’m so far behind. At 37, I should be at the top of my game, starting to see the sprouts of the fruits of my labor, if not more. I should be focused on the weightier things of life; like building a nest egg if something ever happened to my mom, writing a will or something but I’ve been chillaxing.
In a way this anxiety, has served as a swift kick in the a$$. On the other hand, I know that I’m right where I should be learning the lessons I should learn. Yes, I am now 37, living at home, making less money than I did 5 years ago, no relationship, no children, in debt and plump (to say the least) but I have joy, a job that isn’t stressful, no mortgage and another day to fix all that other stuff so I am grateful. I still need to get my mind right, but for now… Thank you Lord, for another 365 around the sun. I’m expecting great things.